Carey Magazine

Today was just an ordinary day, until I picked up a copy of Carey Magazine (intended for alumni) in the Post Office. The president drolls on about his 'exiciting experience' on a trip to London, England with the freshmen honors students and how the most exciting part of the trip for the students was Evensong at Westminister Abbey. In fact, this writer has an inside source which reveals that most of the students and many of the others present were asleep during the service - incuding his highness the great monarch.
On the second page in the bottom left-hand corner there is a picture of the president performing the Hitler salute to who we know not - probably the university's donors (he loves them). This blogger believes that el presidente is somewhat comparable to Charles I of England. To avoid tuition rasies (new taxes and parliaments) donors are solicited through the selling of names on buildings (just like Knight's fees - the fees levied on those who were knighted by the King). He even mentions that he will sell "naming opportunities" for the new college of osteopathic medicine. I wonder when he'll start imposing ship duties on us?

A falsehood is perpetrated on page eight where the writer of the article purports that the Carey Lectern as used for scripture reading during Evensong - those who were there report that the lectern was not used at all, in fact it was dusty and would have stained the robes of the good high church Anglicans who didn't use it.
In other news, the president reports that the University is still recovering from Katrina. I guess this is just another example of 'post Katrina corruption,' as one proffesor put it.

Summer Preview Day

Today I, the peaceful, friendly, and otherwie unobtrusive student was greatly disturbed. For you see, today was preview day - the day that the already too small Hattiesburg campus was invaded by naive freshmen who believe that at William Carey they will fulfill their greatest potential. A word to these individuals. --- William Carey is a small university (which may seem appealing at first) with a small group of students who are all trying to get a degree. There is little at this university which an intelligent student will find challenging. Also any new student should be aware of the dictatorial ways of our current reigning monarch i.e. the King. I also heard a candid joke by this monarch that if certain students did not fulfill the service requirement (the mandatory thity hours of communal service) that they would be required to sweep the streets of the Hattiesburg campus. --- I am now aware that there will be a fresh batch of recruits for the administration to push around like a bunch of slaves, in the fall.

As I was attempting to make my way to lunch in the cafeteria I noticed that the ARMY ROTC has developd an on campus branch. So this is what we're doing with the offices of the Chemistry Proffessor that was fired - we're installing a Hitler Youth division to 'maintain internal security.' Thank you Imperial Highness King, what would we do with out your ever loving oversight.

I should also offer the deepest sympathies to those students whose limbs were crushed by the Wheel which was rolling around campus earlier. Avoiding personal contact the Wheel is one thing which any student will find beneficiary especially young white males of a slender disposition (it is attracted to these types).